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Market Forces
by Ian McLaren
Another tall tale from the saloon bar philosophy group at the Titanic Refloated.
The king was in the Last Resort, cheating at dominoes to avoid having to pay
for a round. “Oh, unlucky, Chancellor – mine will be a pint of the Kingdom Special
Old.”
“Might be the last one I ever have to buy you”, he grumbled. “Mr Dobrecec, the
owner, is looking to sell the brewery to the Heinecoorfizz Corporation and retire.
They certainly won’t be prepared to keep the beer in the cellar that long: all the
beers will be ‘fresh, cold and unchallenging’, as their advert puts it.”
No Kingdom Special Old – the king could barely believe it. And no locally owned
brewery come to that – unless he started brewing in the boot room at the palace
again. The memory of the taste of the Palace Strong made him shudder even more.
How could this disaster be averted? It was no good appealing to old Dobrecec to
stay on. Not only was he nearly 93, his new wife was insisting on moving to a
seaside villa, so that they could go windsurfing together. That meant that he had
to sell the Kingdom Brewery.
Who else would buy it? The place was a ruin – hardly any improvements had been
made since Dobrecec’s grandfather died: the brewing coppers were held together
with duct tape, and half the beer had to be distributed in plastic dustbins because
there weren’t enough barrels. Heinecoorfizz would pay up to remove the competition,
but no-one else would be stupid enough...
“Chancellor, I was thinking – shouldn’t we be looking to increase the country’s
equity holdings in this time of economic...”
The cold stare reminded the king that the Chancellor had been rummaging in the
corners of the Treasury chest to find enough money to pay for this evening’s beer.
There certainly wasn’t a million pounds or so tucked away in there.
“Perhaps the workers could form a cooperative to buy...”
The king pictured Elias Gruntbourne and his two young apprentices asking a bank
to lend them money – they hadn’t even been paid for the last three months. And Mrs
Dobrecec certainly wouldn’t allow them favourable terms, especially as the boys were
her brothers.
“I know!” The king suddenly cheered up. “We can make it a condition that
Heinecoorfizz continuing producing Kingdom Special Old if they want to import any
beers. Not only that, they will have to supply the palace with a firkin every week
so that we can check that the quality is being maintained. Right, I’ve got the double
six, so I’m starting the next game...”
Ian McLaren is a freelance writer and philosopher. For coaching and training
services, see his web site at www.e-coached.com.
If you are interested in wine, see www.ukwineclub.org.uk
Reproduced from the Full Pint, Issue 41.
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