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Nostalgie du Bleu
by Ian McLaren
Another tall tale from the saloon bar philosophy group at the Titanic Refloated.
The king was in a nostalgic mood. The royal printer had come up with the latest copy of the Palace Gazette, and reminded his majesty that this was the fifth anniversary issue. He dug into the wastepaper filing bin, and in a few seconds, came up with the very first issue. It was a masterpiece of blurry, blue monochrome: so very last century.
What had the King's Arms been serving that fateful December?
Scullery Double Turnip, Lowgate Dark Mild, Shakespeare's XXXX Old Ale. All gone. And there was that new pub that appeared briefly, and vanished again – the Pineapple and Pipkin, with its Real Pineapple Ale, and Dogblaster. Happy days indeed: so very last century.
And the leading article: Full Pints Campaign. Ah, yes, the days when we worried about the amount of beer in the glass, rather than whether the brewery would be closed or bought by a multi-national lager concern before we had finished the pint. Standing up for the consumer: so very last century.
The king's thoughts drifted forward to Christmas. What would the landlord have on for the festive season this year? Last year it had been Fulwell's Golden Prude, Yang's Special Loading Ale and the mighty Museum F1 Stout – one pint and you're f***ed.
So different from the old days. He remembered, with a shudder, his late father forcing him to drink pints of the dreaded Warthog's Blue Barrel – no hops, no alcohol, just a rather unpleasant taste in the mouth. And in his youth, daring to drink two whole pints of Shippolyth Mild – slightly sweeter, but hardly more intoxicating.
And the night – or was it a fortnight? – when he discovered cider, and throwing up, and falling over, and coming back for more... Ah, youth: so very last century.
Ian McLaren (i_r_mclaren@hotmail.com)
Reproduced from the Full Pint, Issue 28.
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