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Serving Safety
by Ian McLaren
Another tall tale from the saloon bar philosophy group at the Titanic Refloated.
The king had decided to run another beer festival, in the Great Hall of the Palace. This time, he had been persuaded to recruit volunteers, rather than just conscript the whole population to work.
His daughter, Princess Christine, was in charge of filling the necessary jobs. She was pleased with the response, but the king saw her grimacing as she turned the page. He charged straight in: "What's the problem now?", he demanded. She knew better than to answer him directly, and resorted to tears and locking herself in her bedroom. Her maid was sent out with a message: "Stewards".
The king hadn't even considered stewarding as a serious job. Looking after the beer, selling it, and taking money – those are the useful jobs. The Lord Chamberlain gently intervened: "What if there was a fire, or people got injured pushing their way in? Tourists might be hurt, causing an international incident."
Conceding to good sense never left the king happy, and he was even less happy when the Lord Chamberlain told him that he would have to set an example by doing some stewarding himself. "Standing around," he grumbled, "being responsible, keeping people away from the beer just because the room is getting a bit full!". The king was working himself into a lather.
"Sire," intervened the Captain of the Guard, "perhaps you don't realise how rewarding this sort of job is. The stewards have control over all these people: they can tell them where they can go, and allow them in to drink. And the customers are willing to listen." The Home Secretary stressed the security aspect: "If you let people run riot, they might damage your palace, or upset the beer. The stewards will keep everything and everyone safe." This impressed the king no end. Finally, the Chancellor of the Exchequer whispered to him that the stewards would get free drink and cheap food for the duration of the festival.
"Go out and recruit stewards," he told his ministers: "Stress the public service element, the necessity of the job, and the feeling of pride in doing a good job. You needn't shout too much about the free drink, though."
Ian McLaren is organiser of this year's London Drinker Beer Festival. If you would like to work at the festival, especially as a steward, please contact the staffing officer, Christine Cryne.
Reproduced from the Full Pint, Issue 24.
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